Riddle Me This...: 2012

So...as you can see it's been a LONG time since my last post. Many times I have come here and tried to post my thoughts but I've come up blank every time. The past year has been a rough one for me emotionally and I haven't been able to outwardly express the thoughts and feelings I've had. I STILL might not be ready to, but I'm going to try.

Last summer my parents announced that they were going on a mission to Auckland, New Zealand. This should have been a happy day for us but it was really hard for me to have my parents SOOO far away. Shortly after they left, my Grandpa Jim started having TIA's (mini-strokes). With my mom gone, she was a nervous wreck so to help her cope, I felt the need to help care for him and keep her directly in the loop. After several doctor apts. they discovered he had a hole in his heart as well as an 80% blockage in one of the main arteries. He had a stent put in and was released from the hospital with plans for future surgery to fix the hole.

Meanwhile, Grandma Jeri hadn't been feeling well and the family was trying to convince her to go to the doctor. Finally we were able to get her to the doctor where they did and ultrasound and MRI. On November 22, 2011, Grandma was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. :( That day I contacted mom and dad while they were doing missionary work in Fiji and told them the news. A week later Gma underwent surgery to remove the cancer. While operating, the doctor found that the cancer had spread decided it best NOT to remove it. He did a nerve block and removed her gallbladder to help with future pain but he'd done all he could do.

A week before Christmas, Mom and Dad surprised Grandma (and the rest of the family) by coming home. I couldn't have been happier to see them...but I hated the circumstances that brought them home. My mom couldn't stand to be away any longer and felt the need to be by Grandma's side through this battle. Grandma fought the battle with dignity and grace. She rarely complained of pain, though pancreatic cancer is said to be one of the most painful. She greeted all with a smile and a hug and never stopped being in the center of the chaos.

Grandma was reunited with her friends and family on April 14, 2012. I was blessed with the opportunity of being with her until the end. In those last hours, my grandmother continued to teach me valuable lessons about life and spirituality. Never before have I felt closer to my Father in Heaven. I am thankful to her for giving me the chance to strengthen my testimony. I am so gratitude for the gift of eternal families and I know that Grandma and I will be together again.

The loss of my grandma has left a HUGE hole in my life. Things are not the same without her but I feel her around me almost every day. As I go about my life doing mundane tasks, I hear her clear as day. When I'm singing obnoxiously to my favorite songs I can hear her laughing and telling me how flat I am on the high notes. When I wash my face, I hear her remind me that "what you do to your face you must do to your neck". I feel her lingering about while I'm mixing up my Carnation Instant Breakfast and sometimes its so strong I find myself say out loud..."Yes, Gma, I'll enjoy some for you". I feel her scold me when I'm short with my children...reminding me that I just need to love them. Even though she's with me always...I long to hold her hand, to feel her touch my face, to give her a squeeze, to hear her voice or to see her amazing smile.

It's hard to go on with a smile and pretend that things are OK when they don't feel right. But...I will try. One day at a time I will wake up, put on a smile and press forward. Because that's what she wants me to do. I know it will take time but in time, I hope, the smile wont feel so forced and life will feel somewhat normal again. Until then....I promise to try.

I wanted to include my grandma's obituary as well as the talk I gave at her funeral.

Obituary:

Jeri Rentmeister
(December 15, 1927 - April 14, 2012)

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SYRACUSE – Our beloved Jeri returned home to her Heavenly Father on Saturday, April 14, 2012, surrounded by the family she loved so very, very much. She was met with anxious, open arms by her great-granddaughter, Skylynn Kite, her parents, and many dear friends.

Jeri was born on December 15, 1927 to Merk and Grace Burningham Christensen. She spent her first eight years in California before moving to Bountiful, Utah.
She graduated from Davis High School in 1945 and served on the class reunion committee for 65 years. She attended BYU.
Jeri married James Rentmeister on May 10, 1946 in Bountiful, Utah. The marriage was solemnized in the Salt Lake LDS Temple on their fifth anniversary. She had lived in Syracuse for 64 years and was an active member of the community.
Jeri had a great love for her Savior and deep faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She was a member of the Hansen Meadows Ward and had served in many callings in the Primary, Young Women’s, Sunday School and Relief Society organizations.
Nothing was more important to Jeri than her family. She loved each of them deeply and was happiest spending time with them. She never missed a birthday or other special occasion. Jeri especially enjoyed the time spent with her family at their home in Mesa, Arizona.
She was the Charter President of the Syracuse Lady Lions in 1963 and remained an active member throughout her lifetime.
She was a loving and loyal friend, always there with her genuine smile and a warm hug.
Jeri enjoyed golf, playing cards and her Japanese embroidery.
Jeri leaves behind her husband, Jim; children, Alan (Yvonne) Rentmeister, Paula (Allan) Kite and Pamela (Ked) Nielsen; seven grandchildren, Sean (Stevie) Rentmeister, Cacey (Jeff) Fergus, Adam (Shanna) Kite, Haley (Matthew) Riddle, Tyler (Cheri) Buxton, Tami (Buddy) Millett and Megan (Trevor) Fritzsche; 21 great-grandchildren; and her sister, Jean Stoker.
Funeral services will be held on Wednesday, April 18, 2012 at 11:00 a.m. at the Hansen Meadows Ward Chapel, 2500 So. Bluff Road, Syracuse, with Bishop Troy Barber officiating. Friends may visit family at Lindquist’s Layton Mortuary, 1867 No. Fairfield Rd., Layton, Utah, on Tuesday, April 17, 2012 between 6 – 8 p.m., and at the church on Wednesday between 9:30 a.m. and 10:30 a.m.
Jeri will be laid to rest beside her parents in the Syracuse City Cemetery.
The family wishes to extend their deepest gratitude to the many doctors and nurses for their compassionate care given to Jeri. Also they extend their love and appreciation to the exceptional care by Inspiration Hospice and the wonderful people who so tenderly and lovingly cared for Jeri and her family.

Talk:

A Tribute to Grandma Jeri

About 2 months ago grandma asked me to speak at her funeral. Today I am still wondering what I did to her that she’d make me do this. For those who don’t know me, my name is Haley Riddle, the daughter of Paula. In preparing to write this talk, my mind was overwhelmingly flooded with the countless memories and millions of words to describe my feelings for Grandma Jeri. Grandma had the biggest heart of anyone I know. If she knew you, she loved you, simple as that. You could enter their home a stranger but you’d always leave as family. She was the perfect example of Christ-like love. She had a smile that could light up any room and she wore that smile through thick and thin even until the very end.

Around the time that Grandma was diagnosed with cancer I was trying to come up with the perfect Christmas present for her to lift her spirits and show her how much she means to me. I decided to give her back some of what she had given me all my life. MEMORIES. I got a deck of cards and on each one, I typed and glued a special memory or a special feeling. For weeks after Christmas, I was filled with joy as she read these cards over and over, laughing and recalling these special moments we shared. She had to share them with every visitor at least once. At one point she told me she’d like me to read them at her funeral.

I won’t take the time to read all of them as some of them aren’t exactly pulpit worthy however, I’d like to take a minute to share just a few of these special times with you.

Tapioca Pudding: I was lucky enough to live around the corner from grandma growing up so I saw here almost every day. Whenever I got sick, Grandma would be there within minutes with her Magic Tapioca Pudding. She told me if I ate it I’d feel better soon. Faithfully, I ate the magic pudding and sure enough, it worked every time.

Playing Cards: You can’t remember Grandma without mentioning countless games of cards. She loved playing cards and I loved playing them with her because of what it meant for me. For me it wasn’t about the game but SO much more. It meant spending time, laughing, getting to know each other and mostly just making memories. There wasn’t a bad day that couldn’t be fixed with a game of cards with Grandma and Grandpa. These times will NEVER be forgotten and will always be a treasure in my heart.

Nurse Haley: When I was 17, I became a certified phlebotomist. From that moment on, Grandma believed with all her heart that automatically made me a nurse. She called me for every medical question she ever had and would send other members of the family my way. While she was in the hospital, she’d tell all the nurses: “this is my granddaughter Haley, she’s my nurse” leaving me to explain that I am not a nurse at all but that I have a strong interest in the medical field. No matter how many times I tried to correct her, she left this world still convinced that my name has an RN at the end.

Some others are;

The way she couldn’t go to bed until she’d tubbed

The 30 minute teeth ritual she did each night

Tying quilts in the living room and the annual Syracuse parade in front of her house

Watching you dig through the sleeves of your shirt to find the Kleenex you’d stuff there earlier.

The yearly Happy Birthday song.

There are far too many precious moments and memories of Grandma for now. But, more important are the millions of things my grandma taught me. She taught me to love and to see the good in everything. Even in the end when she was in so much pain, she’d still light up and smile when her family walked in the room. She had a way of making all of us feel like we were her favorite. (Though we all know that I’m her real favorite) J

Grandma was teaching me even as she took her last breath. She loved her family so much that it was hard to leave us. She fought and fought until she knew we would be ok. I’d like to read a poem that I find fitting:

My Grandma Kept A Garden
My Grandma kept a garden.
A garden of the heart;
She planted all the good things,
That gave my life it's start.

She turned me to the sunshine,
And encouraged me to dream:
Fostering and nurturing
The seeds of self-esteem.

And when the winds and rains came,
She protected me enough;
But not too much, she knew I'd need
To stand up strong and tough.

Her constant good example,
Always taught me right from wrong;
Markers for my pathway
To last my whole life long.

I am my Grandma’s garden,
I am her legacy.
And I hope today she feels the love,
Reflected back from me.

Grandma Jeri is and will always be my hero. I hope one day that I can be half the woman she was. I love you Gram…a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck.

Now that I've shared that....I want to commit to TRY to get back to blogging. One of the main reasons I used to blog was so Gma could see our families pictures and see what we're up to. I don't want that to stop now that she's not here with us. I want to continue to share posts with her, wherever she is.

This year for Christmas we decided to take our kids on their very first cruise. We planned to go with my grandparents but, with Grandma's health, they weren't able to make it. My parents decided to take the open spots and make some fun memories with us. We are so glad that they did because we had SUCH a great time! :) I will post just a few of the fun pictures from this trip.